Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I cockslap morals
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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