Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
