Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
