She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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