there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
