So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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