i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
