dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
