well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
