I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
