Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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