Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Randomize
