If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
