ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
