C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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