theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
