You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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