I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
