she smelled like a LAN party
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
