I think I died a long time ago.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
