But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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