toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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