she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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