Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This house was built for laser tag.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
