so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
