i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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