Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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