God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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