I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
