yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
