this boner is exhausting
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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