THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
