He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
