there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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