I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
