You're so nebulous sometimes
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
