420 ftw
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
