I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Terrible idea I love it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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