dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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