I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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