I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
