don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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