do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
