Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
