You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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