enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
