You really coming over, don't trick.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
