just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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