Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
