you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
