if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
