So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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