forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
