So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
