I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
