Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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