Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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